Cycling to Glory

Heavenly Inspiration From Out Of Anything….

I never realized until today what a spiritual experience working out can be. I always thought of it as something I had to do to lose and keep the weight off.

Believe me… as much as I love working out… I HAVE to psych myself out most days just to get going.

I have to be honest with myself to know that it’s the results I love more than the actual work involved.

While working out I imagine myself in that perfect size 12.

Yeah… I said it… I want to be an 12 not an 2 or an 8. I acknowledge the fact that God made me a big girl and I have come to love it… believe me it took some time.

I embrace my large body frame along with the big feet to match. I would look sick trying to be in the single digits. It may be for you but not for me.

I absolutely enjoy watching TV. with Luci. I can see his mind working as he processes all the information. I usually turn it into a game and encourage feedback whether the show does or not because what’s the point of making sure him watch educational programs if there put into practice.

Anyway, while seeing myself in that perfect image of me I would get lost in the music.

My music is so important for me to have a good workout.

It keeps me moving but no matter what I can’t stop focusing on the time!

Today, I got up ready for my 9:15am cycling class with Rusty.

I Never have to worry about his track selections because there always on point. Rusty loves rock( a vast variety) and the upbeat tempos and percussion gets me pumped up and singing. He has the whole class moving along with the music beat by beat. I can always anticipate the next move sequence.

Being such a lover of music…I appreciate his knowledge of music he shares with us.

Music has always been my escape from reality.

Even though I was grooving to the tunes and making sure my resistance was set before he calls me out.

I kept looking at the clock on the wall behind me.

That quick glance at clock would throw me off course. I would have to get back in gear to make sure I was following Rusty’s next command.

And that takes a little extra effort to follow speed.

After, a couple more clock checks; my mind went into a different direction.

So sweetly yet sternly spoken.. “Don’t focus on the length of time but on your efforts to finish this course successfully.”

I began to stagger a little on the bike because that little statement said so much to me.

When we go through difficult situations in life we’re so consumed with the pain and wondering when it will all end.

We become so focused on it that we can’t see ourselves out of the situation.

That’s where the real problem comes in.

We can’t do it alone and time is not controlled by us.

God holds the stopwatch to our destiny. He equips us with everything to finish the race. He doesn’t set us up to fail but to succeed, abundantly.

We have to know within ourselves it can be done.

Our efforts have to be for good. If we do everything half-heartedly or just waiting for our “session” to end we’ll never stop racing.

I know you’ve heard the “race has already been won” but what are you doing to get there.

It’s time to block out all those distractions and focus on your medal waiting for you at the finish line.

There is so much to gain by leaving it all to Him.

He asks us to trust and give Him our all; the rest is left to Him.

There isn’t a need to keep up with the time because once you give Him total control- It is Done. Just that simple.

Saying NO... Is Getting Easier

I have struggled for sooo long, trying to be everything to everyone else and neglecting my own needs and my wants. But, it’s my fault!!! I say Yes.... all the time. Always being the willing participant can be draining. Yet, I’m always the one feeling it. I never express how I feel about things. I push back things on my ever growing to do list and adjust my plans for the sake of others. Who’s doing the same for me? No one because I am the go to person of the family. I don't like the position because everyone depends on me for everything. I am always the one being asked such demands. Individuals can make every excuse in the world to give but its second nature for me to say yes. They take and take from me but I’m the one at a loss. I have things going on in my life that are taxing but I don't allow it to affect my responsibilities. I believed for a very long time that I was doing the right thing because I was putting others before myself. I forgot to compute the common sense God gave me. He never wanted me to be used but I put myself out there. I attracted that into my life. Always wanting to make sure everyone was taken care of and happy. I neglected my own happiness in the process. Constantly, giving myself to others I had nothing for myself. I got trapped in the happiness of others so much I couldn't tell you about my own. Too busy trying to create it for someone else. It was long overdue but today I crashed into a brick wall. I wish it would have happened sooner but I won't get into that. My beautiful niece turned 1 Aug. 7th. I was very excited to share in the celebration of her 1st birthday. It was very important for me to be there. Being that I am the Aunt, Godmother, and Big sister to the mother there were several responsibilities I had and wanted to accomplish. Of course, being the planner that I am, MY project was completed and ready ahead of time. I wish it ended there but then I wouldn't have a story to tell. One of my other family members (in their selfishness/ laziness) dropped the ball on their responsibilities and good old Sanenyah had to be there to catch it. I ended up having to cook all the food they promised to make in addition to running the errands they volunteered for. I even got stuck coordinating the rides for several others out to the party in Ruskin… I got so caught up in handling everyone else’s stuff I couldn't focus on what was really important. Time began to fly by so quickly and my plan of action crumbled. Even in the last hours, I was rushing to get there on time but to them it didn't matter; they knew I would just fuss and that would be the end of it. During the entire long trip to Ruskin; I was steaming. The party was from 11 to 1pm. We barely made it on the highway by the time the dashboard clicked 12:00pm. I’m thinking about everything I could tell my sister about how it wasn’t my fault. But.. it was! I began to realize my faults more and more in this particular situation. I realized it was okay. It’s perfectly fine to tell someone No. I have to learn not to focus on their disappointment but focus on what I’m capable of doing. No need to lie or make excuses, just be honest. Saying yes cost me time and memories I can't get back. But what really hurt was seeing my little sister's face when I walked in the building. She tried her best to smile and play it off but I could see the deep disappointment and hurt in her eyes. She needed me to be there and I wasn’t. To everyone else it may have just seemed like an ordinary birthday but it was more than that to us. My sister and I are very close, so close that we share the same birthday. We get a kick out of just being in the same room with one another. As much as she wanted me to be there to share that moment…I wasn’t. When I got there the party was over. Her husband and friends were pulling down decorations and packing up. I was horrified. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Instead I looked into my sister’s face; which was hard to do and tell her the truth. I made her a promise that I will no longer allow myself to get caught up in anyone else’s responsibilities. It’s no longer my job or ever was my responsibility to make sure their tasks were taken care of. For me I was focused on the project failing because of someone else not holding up to their end of the bargain. I have to learn to pray for the success of the outcome and do my best in all that I am responsible for. It’s God’s job to work it all out… not mine. Once I grasp that concept; saying No will become easier

SuperFriends

Every good Superhero has a headquarters. Inside there is an administrator who delegates responsibilities. He even gives you a set of weapons to choose from. Most importantly they have their friends coming from home base. They all have very unique super powers and personalities. When in battle they create an awesome force that is unbeatable. They learn very early that the fight is hard and sometimes never ending but when their forces combine it’s an easy victory. In watching my favorite superheroes.... X-MEN, I have learned that it doesn't help to focus on your external traits but to embrace your gifts and use them for good. I am blessed to have several Superfriends and God is attracting more in my life everyday. Individuals who actually care about the well-being of others. They demonstrate that you don’t have to endure the battle alone. But yet, take the time to "pay it forward". When someone is on your mind heavily; pray for them and give them a call. We spend too much time talking about what we should do or could have done. We seem to lack the ability to put our good intentions into action. Recently, my vehicle was down and instead of getting down about it I just said "God you got". Well, he did! I had people I hardly knew calling me constantly asking; really telling me that they were coming to take me to my mommy and me classes, offering their cars, going out of their way to take my family and I to church. My friend, who doesn’t even know my brother, took it upon herself to take him back to Tallahassee because there was something IN her to do it. I have been in awe. Mostly, in shock because I never would have expected something like this; in this day and age but ''WHY NOT''! Isn't that how we all should be? Wait!! I'm not through! A wonderful man, my husband has known for a couple of months, decided to take it upon himself to fix our vehicle. Something IN him wanted to do it; without any type of payment. All he asked of my husband was to "remember to give and help another individual when given the opportunity." In experiencing this, I'm still trying to process all the awesome blessings God has brought in our lives in the recent months. "Give and it shall be given".....it’s really that simple. If you have any Superfriends in your life, tell them you love them and how much you've appreciated their influence. I have been privileged to experience God’s love through these people. It’s a constant reminder of our true purpose. We have to choose a role of a giver or taker. My personal goal is to unselfishly help another individual whenever given the opportunity. I don’t want to just focus on people within my circle. I want to help wherever there is a need. I want to use all that God has given me to bless the life of another. It’s not about me nor do I want any praise for DOING WHAT WE ALL SHOULD BE DOING! Our length on earth is short and unpredictable. When time is up; will you be considered a Super Friend? I dedicate this to my Awesome and Amazing GFC Family....you know who you are!!

Doing Me

Its sooo hard finding what you want out of life when you keep searching for "YOU" in other sources. Becoming a mother has been an adventure in itself. Constantly, wondering what to do and if I'm going to do it right. Thank God for prayer! I prayed so much from my baby being healthy and normal to potty training. During that time I was looking for playgroups for my son but actually I really wanted to find other mothers on "my" level. In the process of figuring out what I really wanted to do in life; NOW that I'm a mother. I knew what I wanted to do for my career but once I became a mother; I just wanted to make sure whatever it was I would be available to him. So I began to do something I never did before and that was focus on my passions. That was hard to do because I had ignored and pushed them aside for years. I knew that if I nurtured my passions and worked on development, I would get the time and flexibility with my son I needed and wanted. In battling that new form of thinking I keep searching for things to do in the community because I wanted to know what was available for my son. I just moved to Tampa and I needed to get familiarized with my community. I went to a lot of events had a great time but most importantly I gathered a lot of information but had no one to share it with. I visited tons of mommy websites but they all "sucked". They weren't up to Sanenyah standards. I didn't want to get stuck in forums all day... what mommy has the time? The calendars were blank because they relied on the following for input but lets be honest we come to those websites to get information because we don't know whats going on! I also got tired of the constant advertisements....felt like I was trying to be sold instead of informed. In my frustration I stopped searching and just gathered information. I just began "doing me"; I shared information with mothers who crossed my path. In "doing me" I found that these women wanted the same thing. I couldn't believe in this age of the Internet and social networking that mothers were still feeling alone and in the dark about so much. In coming to realize that reality I somehow morphed into becoming a valuable resource for a lot of women. I love being able to share and in doing so I have been able to connect with so many beautiful and awesome women. Yes, it is possible to have a good, positive relationships with other women...believe me at one point I wouldn't have believed it myself but it happens when you look to others before yourself. In the process of learning and sharing; building has begun. God has moved so much and so fast! In being apart of the movement I have let go and let God. I can't be selfish. I want women to know how to really connect. To accept their life experiences and share them with other women; so others faith will be strengthened and have the added reassurance of knowing that they're never alone. Women will be able to use their different educational, spiritual, cultural backgrounds and share that with others mothers besides the fact that they have children. Women will be able to embrace who they really are and use that as a way to connect in the life of motherhood. An open mind is important as well as a genuine love for "real women" with "real lives". I say all this to inform you and introduce you to my venture of SuperMommy. I would love for all those mommies, and soon to be mommies to join me in sharing and connecting with other awesome women in the Tampa Bay area.

What is God's Will

For so long I have prayed over and over asking God for His Will. Wanting to do His will in everything I do. I was so concerned about messing up and not using His talents the way he intended. I didn't want to waste time focusing on myself and neglecting His plan. I prayed and prayed and yet I never felt satisfied. Then one day like so many conversations with my husband I expressed my confusion about God's plan for my life. He told me plainly..." just make a choice and God will take care of it all as long as I keep Him first and do what He asks of me". What does God ask of us? He wants us to Serve Him and His people. Sounds simple... but is it really. We have no problem serving Him because we know he's the provider of all things but when it comes to serving others its hard because we're so trapped by our selfish nature. He wants us to love one another and help others while putting our selves to the side. In thinking and dwelling on that; I have came to the conclusion that God has given me many talents and gifts and my job is to use them to bless others. My prayer is that everyday, Im on this earth I will be a blessing to someone. I know God will take me further than my mind can ever imagine but in all that I want to always remember my purpose and fullfil it honorably and graciously.

Journey To Me

The other day I was talking with another mother and she was telling me that she's still waiting to find out what's she's going to be when she grows-up. I thought about that and I started to wonder: "aren't we all still trying to figure out Who we are?" I thought I had my life figured out in highschool...boy was that a rude awakening. In college I experienced alot but through it all I began to discover who Sanenyah really was. It was frightening because a personality and views I never dealt with began to uproot. It was very uncomfortable, sharing the new me with my loved ones. To be honest it wasn't new it was just suppressed. It was easier than constantly hearing "you've changed"; in a very negative tone. I began to realize that your loved ones doesn't like change very much because their comfortable in what they know or too busy trying to impress their own insecurities upon you. Its too much to have to embrace something unfamilair. I had to make a decsion to truly "love me"; in loving me means "being all of me all the time". I can't worry what others think about me. I won't allow such foolishness to hold me back any longer. I have only one life to live and its time to come out of my shell. Embracing myself and sharing myself is the only way I will be able to fully grasp the joys God has for me. I understand that I can't reach levels in life without going through the depths of it all. Like most I have a past but I refuse to allow it to hold me back. I'm in the present and I have to enjoy today and focus on the future. The journey is exciting and I am prepared for the adventure for God as equipped me with all the esstentials needed.

What's Your Kryptonite?

 I feel dazed and confused. I can’t seem to find my direction. Everything is so overwhelming at this point. The simplest tasks seem to be just too difficult. I can't even gather my thoughts to pray. I can see but a fog keeps clouding my thought process. My sensitive measure is on numb. I can't form any extra protection. No one can make me feel worse than I already do. All I can ask is that God just order my footsteps. Anoint my path and thoughts, that my actions won't be in vain. I have to be honest with myself. I'm not living in reality. I thought as long as I stayed focused and away from certain memories I'd be fine. But that isn't the way to live. I didn't realize how selfish my actions are. I was only concerned about my own feelings. I don't want to leave chunks out of my life. It’s all important because it’s what made me the person I am. Whenever it comes around; I grow weak, tired, helpless, speechless, emotional and defeated. It has become the kryptonite of my life. My kryptonite comes to haunt me twice a year: May 8th, my father's birthday and Dec.16^th,  the day he died, which is also the birthday shared by my brother, sister and I. Whenever these dates approach, my body automatically knows. I become instantly depressed. The feeling is so strong that I even struggle to breathe at times. I wonder for days what’s wrong with me; until I notice the calendar. I recognize it. I try my best to shake it, but sometimes are harder than others. I've have come to realize that I can't do it alone.  I need a source of power much greater than just me. I cant't hide from it or try to ignore it. I need to build an immunity to it. I pray God will heal my heart, day by day and rejoice in him that my father rests with him.  I want my sons to know about their grandfather. I can't allow my feelings to hinder the knowledge of their heritage. Being Superwoman, I have to be prepared for it all. I can't choose which battles to fight. I don’t have any worries for my God is my captain and general.  I will give Him all the hurt and the pain that I currently feel.  I will be faithful and trust in Him; for I know he will mend my broken heart and carry me through.