What's Your Kryptonite?

 I feel dazed and confused. I can’t seem to find my direction. Everything is so overwhelming at this point. The simplest tasks seem to be just too difficult. I can't even gather my thoughts to pray. I can see but a fog keeps clouding my thought process. My sensitive measure is on numb. I can't form any extra protection. No one can make me feel worse than I already do. All I can ask is that God just order my footsteps. Anoint my path and thoughts, that my actions won't be in vain. I have to be honest with myself. I'm not living in reality. I thought as long as I stayed focused and away from certain memories I'd be fine. But that isn't the way to live. I didn't realize how selfish my actions are. I was only concerned about my own feelings. I don't want to leave chunks out of my life. It’s all important because it’s what made me the person I am. Whenever it comes around; I grow weak, tired, helpless, speechless, emotional and defeated. It has become the kryptonite of my life. My kryptonite comes to haunt me twice a year: May 8th, my father's birthday and Dec.16^th,  the day he died, which is also the birthday shared by my brother, sister and I. Whenever these dates approach, my body automatically knows. I become instantly depressed. The feeling is so strong that I even struggle to breathe at times. I wonder for days what’s wrong with me; until I notice the calendar. I recognize it. I try my best to shake it, but sometimes are harder than others. I've have come to realize that I can't do it alone.  I need a source of power much greater than just me. I cant't hide from it or try to ignore it. I need to build an immunity to it. I pray God will heal my heart, day by day and rejoice in him that my father rests with him.  I want my sons to know about their grandfather. I can't allow my feelings to hinder the knowledge of their heritage. Being Superwoman, I have to be prepared for it all. I can't choose which battles to fight. I don’t have any worries for my God is my captain and general.  I will give Him all the hurt and the pain that I currently feel.  I will be faithful and trust in Him; for I know he will mend my broken heart and carry me through.